


he's just a lookalike

by directionone



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst, Caring Kings, Gay Friendship and Gay Mentorship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, Mika and Eskild are my KINGS, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 22:20:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17906729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/directionone/pseuds/directionone
Summary: Lucas can't belive he was so fucking dumb to belive anyone actually cared about him. He knows now, knows that he fucked up with his friends, with Eliot, with Mika and with Manon, it's all fucked up.Title from Lookalike by Conan Gray.





	he's just a lookalike

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta-read so all mistakes are my own.

Lucas feels the blood running down the back of his hand but he cannot feel the pain, his entire hand pounds and he still cannot stop picking at the broken skin. He is so fucking fucked up, he tried to be straight and he hurt Chloé in the process, he tried being gay and he hurt Mika and turned Eliot away somehow. 

He gets up, holds on to the gate he was sitting against and thinks about how even his dad just upped and left, not even the two people that are supposed to love their child unconditionally love him. It’s such a fucking lonely life he’s living, it’s _pathetic _. Everything is fucked up and he knows the common denominator when things go wrong is always _him _, he fought his friends, he upset Mika, he’s the one who’s always late with rent. They didn’t seem to have a problem with throwing him out to take Manon back in and he doesn’t blame them.____

____The february air is cold against his wet cheeks and he smeared blood all over when he tried to dry them. He walks slowly, his feet working on autopilot because he can’t stop thinking about how stupid he was to think that Eliot would give up Lucille for someone like _him _. So _idiotic _and _miserable _._______ _ _ _

__________The aching from his hand starts to break through when he opens the door to the stairwell and so does reality. His feet walk slowly up every step of the stairs, dreading opening the door to a “home” where he isn’t really _wanted _. The closer he gets to door the harder his heart beats, he can hear Mika’s voice and he still feels so fucking lonely but now he’s starting to feel scared too, he’s, once again, pathetic. He reaches for the door handle with his not hurt hand, doesn’t look at it because he can’t bear to see how it shakes. When the door opens Mika’s voice calls out, “Oh Lucas is that you? Will you come here and tell Lisa that Mika IS a gay name”. Mika then dramatically comes walking out of the kitchen and opens his mouth to start saying something but stops when he sees Lucas. Suddenly Lucas feels frozen, he was ready to just pass out on the sofa and sleep for as long as human possible but when Mika looks at him like that he can’t stop his cheeks from getting wet again.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Mika grabs his hand and leads him to the sink, the heavy silence is interrupted when Mika says “This is going to sting” right before he turns the tap on and rinses Lucas’s bloody knuckles. Lucas hisses and turns his eyes away, he looks at Lisa and wonders if he’s imagining the wrinkle in her forehead it makes her look almost… worried. When Mika has scrubbed all the blood of Lucas’s hand he sits him down at the kitchen table and grabs a first aid kit from the medicine cabinet. Mika opens a bottle of wound disinfectant and the heavy silence settles once again until Lucas asks “Why are you doing this for me? I was really mean to you”. His hands stings when Mika uses the disinfectant and cleans of Lucas’s wounds, they sit in stillness for awhile until Mika starts talking again “You did upset me Lucas but I am not going to leave you to through this alone because you said something dickish and homophobic once”. Mika finishes bandaging his hand and Mika lays his head on Lucas’s shoulder and says “I’m not going to force you to talk about what happened but It’s important for me that you know that you’re never all alone”._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Lucas isn’t ready to tell anything tonight, the heartbreak too raw, but when Mika vipes the dried blood of his cheek he does feel less lonely._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly this might be a little based off Isak and Eskilds relation in OG skam, I find it hard to keep the remakes apart so I hope I got the characters right. I love Lucas and I wanted to write this to sooth my mind and stop thinking about how he's hurt and all alone, I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
